TOPHER TALK: Erotic Trade Only Magazine | February 2019
There’s no rest for a cock destroyer like me. Only joking, I’m completely appropriating ‘More Milf’ here — the social media star who’s current on the lips (and retweets) of every social media gay in the UK. If you don’t know who she is, you need to get-to-know. With a quirky and unapologetically sexual attitude, this porn goddess is cleverly drip-feeding sex positivity to the timelines of all that see her, and I’m all for it. I mean, of course, I am — it’s me. The past four weeks have been absolutely manic for me and that’s just how I like it. From sex toy reviews to recording a podcast with a gay porn star masturbating next to me, and managing to get some work into Metro and Time Out… all on top of my day job – you could say that it’s been busy.
I’ve spent most of February balls-deep in Valentine’s Day preparation for Clonezone, and some of the brands I am working with. I wanted to focus on self-love for V Day 2019 so I put a focus on promoting primarily solo products — so for once, the singles can feel special on the 14th Feb. With this mind, I spoke with the awesome Jo from Tenga to arrange a ‘Love Me Tenga’ event in Clonezone stores. I wanted to make sure our customers had a chance to treat themselves to a great sex toy, whilst making a saving and celebrating loving thyself on a day that appears to be solely dedicated to couples. The event was designed to give customers access to their amazing product, with the incentive of product demonstrations and a seductive discount. I know how much fun you can have with Tenga products, so I’m excited that customers will get to experience that.
I did something exciting and daunting, which was being asked to star in the ‘Thirsty Bitch’ podcast. The episode was designed around my work and titled ‘Sexpert’, which I think is quite flattering. I was basically told that I had free reign to do and talk about what I wanted, sol made sure I included a ‘Top 5 Sex Toys for Solo Play’ for Valentine’s as I wanted to take this opportunity to discuss some orgasm devices. I was surprised by how much the microphone and headphones intimidated me at first, but it didn’t take long for me to slip into my comfort zone and the tart-with-a-heart started pouring out. It certainly wasn’t the calmest affair; including a segment where my friend, gay porn star James Bennett, sat next to me and masturbated with my number one rated toy, I answer anonymous questions submitted on the official WhatsApp, assist people with sex curiosities, and discuss my dating app fails. The show ended with a competition; were my generous friends in the industry from Nexus, Tenga, Doxy, and Fun Factory donated to a total of £1,300 of sex toys for one lucky listener.
I need to say a special thank you to the team at Bathmate who donated £350’s worth; including a world exclusive Anal Training Kit thrown it. The winner got the first kit on the market in the world — ever. Quite a bloody good incentive, eh? But with all of the above chaos in mind, the finished product was educational, sex-positive, and fun.
The reaction to ‘Sexpert’ has been amazing, entering ‘Spoken Word’ charts at number seven, jumping to number three, and then hitting NUMBER ONE! I GOTA NUMBER ONE! The producer sent me a map of the podcast being played all over the world, on different platforms, and using different devices — which is fascinating. I’ve had so many messages since the Sexpert podcast went live, from people asking for my advice and guidance. That’s exactly what I wanted. If you want to check it out, it’s available on iTunes, Spotify, Tuneln, Stitcher, and CastBox — just search ‘Thirsty Bitch Sexpert’ and let me know what you think.
March can be a very boring time for retail, so l think it’s important to keep it exciting and keep your customers engaged. Focus on your social media strengths, watch what posts your customers respond best to — and use that to your advantage. If they’re clicking through to your website on the posts that you’re making about nipple clamps — why not give a naughty 10% off or throw in a basket incentive with clamps?
You don’t need strong analytical software or a digital marketing mastermind to figure this out, as most social media platforms have their analytics trackers in the backend. Keep an eye on this and take advantage of those times-of- days when your followers are most likely to have a natter with you. Apologies to those who I have patronised with this paragraph, but I find it shocking the number of people who have the analytics right in front of their faces and don’t use them. Use them!
On 11th February I was on a boat, on the Thames, surrounded by sexy men in underwear and jockstraps. Why you ask? Because this is my life now. Just kidding — I organised an editorial shoot for Fetish Gear’s new range of underwear and had it shot by infamous fetish photographer, and friend, Matt Spike. I found the most amazing location which was a bright red ship moored by the Docklands with jaw- droppingly-gorgeous interiors, making the most stunning backdrop for photographs. As you enter the ship, you can smell the wooden floors and diesel. It was incredibly seductive. Had the boys hanging from rafters, draped over vintage barber chairs, caressing each other in a huge tin bath and climbing the mast of the ship in their jockstraps.
I’ll say goodbye now as I’m off to Mexico. I have been prepping for this trip for a year. One of my best friends from East-LA, Becca, is getting married and I wouldn’t miss it. We were club kids together when she lived in London back in 2006 and have been good friends ever since. There’s something so satisfying about watching your friend’s life fall into place and them find love, whether that be within their career, themselves or their love life. This is a fantastic way to start the year.