TOPHER TALK: Erotic Trade Only Magazine | March 2019

My feet have barely touched the ground over the last 30 days. What a month! Over the past four weeks, I’ve spent two in Mexico, flown back to the UK, been hounded by unrelenting jet lag, been talking to a possible love interest (he’s not out-of-the-closet, of course), training a new staff member, provided a urethral toy guide and douching advice for NetDoctor, and now have been announced as the new chair of the Prowler European Porn Awards.

It’s been a good few months in terms of work, as I have been interacting a lot with mainstream publications about sex education, sex toys, and general pieces of advice when it comes to self-exploration. I am always happy to submit words or ideas, and will quite literally do anything to try and encourage people to have some good sexy times.


Mexico is a very beautiful place, jam-packed full of history, culture, delicious food, and incredible music. I’d already felt a connection to Mexico as a large portion of my friend group are Mexican, and each time I’ve stayed in Los Angeles I’ve chosen to stay in Boyle Heights over WeHo or downtown. Boyle Heights has a big Mexican community and is often referred to as ‘ghetto’ but I like it there. I arrived in Yucatan to 33-degree heat, which was a shock to the system as when I’d left London it had practically been snowing. It wasn’t until I arrived at Merida airport that I realised I’d taken a stainless-steel butt plug with me, as one of my colleagues had put it into my backpack and I’d completely forgotten about it. I’d gone for my friend’s wedding, and arrived the day of a ‘Welcome Fiesta’ for all 100+ guests that had flown in especially. In my usual style, the evening went from naught-to-nasty. I was practically force-fed smoked Tequila and ended up pulling everyone into the pool with me, fully- clothed and eventually ending up in the pool with four guys, in nothing but a Cell Block 13 thong. Gross. (You can take the boy out of South London…).

The rest of the trip was just breathtaking. My friend’s wedding was one of the most beautiful things that I’ve ever witnessed and for the first time in my adult life, I felt that little ‘tug’ in my tummy whilst sat amongst all the couples and the romance. Maybe it’s time to really try and find someone? I feel sorry for the guy already. I visited one of the seven wonders of the world, the Chichen Itza, swam in six different cenotes (stunning ancient sinkholes, historically thought of as ‘entryways to the underworld’), and basically drank my body weight in tequila. Was there sex? Of course, there was, dear. But I promised that I wouldn’t talk about it. I did find myself itching to do some writing and stuff when I was away — so I was really happy when the team from Cosmopolitan and NetDoctor reached out and asked if I’d provide some words on urethral play. I laid on a sun lounger, tanning my Caucasian form under the Mexican sunshine, whilst writing about dickholes. On arriving home, I was thrown headfirst back into work and began my plans for the Prowler European Porn Awards. This is a yearly award show, taking place on May 16th, which celebrates gay porn performers as well as the media’s that support them. Last year I won ‘Social Media Personality’ after a public vote. There’s a category for ‘Best Sex Toy’ so if you’re a brand reading this, you might just be in the mix. We are sponsoring as Clonezone AND I am also organising a mid-show catwalk fashion

event to show off sexy gear from Nasty Pig, who are one of my favourite brands. I was on a call with the show organisers when they asked me if I would consider chairing the voting panel, due to my knowledge of the industry and the performers. I took a couple of days to process the invitation but eventually told them yes. So that’s another thing to add to the CV — chairing a gay porn awards show. Looks like that Roman Catholic education did me good!

Lens flair

Things have gotten quiet on the sex toy front, which is a bit boring and my own collections are getting used and reused — so I’ve been on the hunt for something new. I am going to be redeveloping my own website, so if you’re a brand wanting an honest review, reach out to me and I’ll be happy to take a look at your product.

I’ve been asked to model for renowned fetish photographer Matt Spike. When he originally mentioned a shoot, I naturally assumed it was for the Fetish Gear or Titus leather that I often provide photographers with, but no, he wants to photograph me?! I am used to organising shoots and then being BEHIND the camera, ready to run in and adjust a model’s harness or underwear before the next shot is taken. It’s quite alien for me to model personally, as I love a selfie but I’ve always felt awkward in front of a camera’s lens. I modelled for a short period at 16-years-old until my bum suddenly grew, and my bottom half could no longer fit into sample sizes. Matt and I follow each other on social media, so he’s seen some of my outfits from Torture Garden and wants me to dress like that. So, watch this space! In next month’s column, I’ll hopefully be able to show you the result. I bet you’re on the edge of your seat.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t make it to the ETO Show. My colleagues from Clonezone, Stark, and Nexus Range exhibited, but I was still jet-lagged from Mexico. Plus, I’d also have had to leave on the Sunday evening as everyone was heading to drinks due to training a new staff member in the office. I suffer from terrible FOMO (fear-of-missing-out) so it would’ve been painful to get a train as everyone else headed to drinks. I heard it was a lot of fun though and I’ll see everyone soon, I’m sure.