Sex Education: Getting into Oral. For Beginners by Topher Taylor
Before we begin
This is a blow job guide. One of the main questions I am asked is “How do I give a good blowjob?”
Let me begin by saying that this is just a guide. In the style of my ‘Getting into Anal. For Beginners Guide‘. Use it as your basic blueprint and build from it. What’s the best way to have fun with your partner? Communicate. What’s the best way to build from it? COMMUNICATE. Ask your partner(s) what they like. Learn from your own experiences. You will notice I repeat ‘communicate’ a lot. Absorb it.
I am discussing giving head to a dick without a condom on it. Therefore, this guide is to be practiced with a partner you trust. Talk about your sexual health as clearly as you talk about what you’re into. If you’re going to be performing the tips in this guide on someone wearing a condom, follow them the same; just use more pressure, squeeze slightly harder when using your hands, increase the suction, and keep your teeth out of the way.
Also – this is my style of head, which is all about delivering mind-blowing pleasure and showing skill. It’s about pleasing. If that isn’t your style, then this perhaps isn’t the guide for you. I like to please. So if you do too or you want to, then let’s begin…
Please note: Just because this guide was written based on sucking a cis male’s penis – it doesn’t mean that you cannot take elements of the advice and introduce to your own oral routine with your partner(s).
I don’t like the idea of blowjobs being seen as foreplay. In fact, I don’t really like the idea of ‘foreplay’ at all. When I go down, I give it my all. Try not to think of it as the beginning of a session, think of it as something to enjoy. Oral sex can be just as satisfying as penetrative sex, if not more for both the giver and receiver. Any sexual act that’s done with Luv can leave you and them totally fulfilled. Personally, I am orally fixated and love anything to do with mine or my partner’s gob. I love lips and tongues. Bottom lips especially *drool*. Oral sex can be everything from romantic, to erotic, to completely filthy. There is something very intimate about delivering pleasure to your partner by using your tongue, lips, saliva, and teeth (where suitable – we will get to the teeth situation). Giving head can be very rewarding. For me, it’s quite psychological as I am delivering something that I am in total control of with my mouth. You can do things with your hands, lips, and tongue that you just can’t replicate with your holes. But as with most sexual practices, it either comes naturally or it comes with experience. This guide is here to boost your technique as a beginner to BJ’s.
A good blowjob isn’t always pretty. Don’t be too concerned about how pretty you look, as sometimes in order to give that toe-curling-back-arching-eyes-rolling-back-in-the-head, head, you’re gonna be pulling some weird faces and making some odd shapes with your mouth. And don’t even get me started on the noises you’ll be making. Imagine the sound of a bowl of jelly being sucked up by a hoover. Sometimes it just ain’t pretty but it feels damn good.
“A good blowjob isn’t always pretty. Don’t be too concerned with how hot you look during head.”
My kind of head is about turning your mouth and hands into a way to either pleasure a dick or bring it to orgasm. If you want to give memorable head, then you want to turn your mouth into a receptive and interactive hole which grinds, glides and twists up-and-down their shaft. Keep this in mind when you are sucking. Yes, it’s great to have a nice penis in your mouth but if you want to deliver – you’ve got to focus on what’s on the receiving end of your actions.
It’s not a chore, as after you’ve learned the ropes, it comes naturally. It’s also important to remember that YOU should be enjoying doing it, too.
- Arousal. Performing oral isn’t just about giving pleasure to your partner. Think about yourself too. What will you be getting out of this and are you excited to do it? If your answers are ‘nothing’ and ‘no’ – don’t do it.
- Blow your nose. This will clear any mucus/bogies/whatever else out of your nasal passage and allow you to ‘go ham on that dick’ without being blocked up or even worse, having your nose running like a tap.
- Relax your jaw. Open your mouth wide and move your lower jaw around in circular motions, whilst mimicking something being inside. You want to get your jaw adjusted to being open and holding your teeth out of the way. Wait for a gentle click when you take it side-to-side.
- Soften up. Check your fingertips, palm of your hands, lips, and nails for rough and/or sharp edges. You don’t want to be catching or grinding something harsh on a penis. It does not feel nice. Unless they’re into that.
- Lubricate. Drink lots of liquids before oral, as you want a nice moist mouth. Dry mouth? Read this guide, as I address it.
- Communicate. Make sure you and your partner(s) are on the same page. Don’t pretend to be an expert if you aren’t.
Things to think about.
JAW & TEETH.
Getting used to a solid shape being in your mouth isn’t as easy as it may seem. Something with length, circumference, and density (which is inside a space that’s typically vacant) takes some getting used to. One of the best ways to get used to a penis being in your mouth is as simple as putting things into your mouth with your teeth retracted. You can do this with an ice lolly, a banana, a dildo, whatever you choose – but preferably something which will respond to your teeth pushing into it. This way you know if they’re suitably retracted. If you have ‘fangs’ (like I do)’ then you need to be careful with how you move your face during oral. If I tip my face awkwardly or suddenly during oral, I risk one of these grinding down their willy and we don’t want that.
Blowjobs can last anywhere from 30 seconds to 30 minutes+, dependent on what the vibe is, so stick some things in your gob to try and get used to the sensations. Your jaw can get tired. Practice.
I find that if -I- am tired or dehydrated, my jaw stiffens and gets tired quicker. So if you’re going to be indulging in a session of oral, it’s typically best to do if you’re rested and have had a few glasses of water. As said above, give your jaw a gentle massage if it begins to feel stiff. If it feels like it’s locking or is at all painful… stop. Sex should never hurt. I find that opening my jaw and using the heel of my palm to gently push my jaw for a few seconds left-to-right, holding on each, gives a ‘click’ sensation which releases a bit of the stiffness.
Another way to help relax your jaw prior to head is to open your mouth wide and place your index and middle finger on the muscles connecting your upper and lower teeth together. Rub both sides gently in circular motions whilst opening-and-closing your jaw.
I’m always surprised by my gag reflex. I can have something (a penis, a toothbrush) right down my throat and be fine – but if I hold my oyster card between my lips for more than a few seconds whilst searching for something in my pockets, I am gagging. My throat HATES it. It just tastes a little practice to figure out how your mouth and throat will react to ‘foreign objects’. Practice makes perfect.
There’s no magic trick to mastering the control of your gag reflex, unfortunately – other than practicing and getting used to dick being down your throat (there’s no elegant way to put it, babes). Some people say that pinching certain fingers stops it, but I think that’s bollocks. And it’s not just the dick stressing your neck and making you gag, it’s the build-up of spit and the lack of air. Taking control of and practicing your breathing really helps here. Deep breaths that make your stomach expand can really help, with you taking a quick ‘inhalation’ of air at every chance.
The more you practice, the more confident you are and therefore have better control over the gagging. I find personally that it’s quite psychological… if I THINK I am going to gag, then I do. If I feel confident in my control, I gag much less.
Try to avoid advertised throat numbing sprays. If you desperately need one, try it, but I think it’s always best to do things the natural way first.
- Three fingers. Before oral or during practice, put your three central fingers together into a bunch and gently push them into your throat. Rotate them as they’re inside, to help relax the nerve-endings inside. You may gag with this and you may not, it’s just a simple way to prep. The organic taste of your skin also helps you associate with the flavour of dick.
- Keep your neck lengthened and straight. This allows the dick to slide down and ‘pop’ into the deep spot without jarring your throat and hurting you. Forcing a dick down can be painful and can irritate the sensitive lining of your throat. Experiment with the positioning of your head and how your jawline is aligned with the shaft.
- Keep your lower back and stomach straight. If you are sat, standing or laying in an awkward position and you gag/wretch, you will jar your body and potentially hurt your stomach and lower back.
- Decongestant sprays/pills. These will help to clear out the airways, allowing maximum airflow and less chance of everything getting ‘trapped’.
- De-lube that D. If you’ve got lube on the dick for whatever reason during playtime, wipe this off before attempting deep throat.
- Don’t dive into it. Deep throat is much easier after sucking for a while and teasing the opening of your throat with the dick head. Gradually push it deeper and deeper down. If you shove it down your throat you’re going to hurt your throat, probably make yourself gag and almost certainly deliver a harsh sensation to the willy. Don’t.
- Push your tongue out. Push your tongue down-and-out so it blocks your lower teeth from pushing on the dick. This also clears space in your throat for the dick.
- Molars. Sometimes when you push a dick ‘down your throat’, it has a tendency to slip left or right and into your molars (the teeth at the back). You can avoid this by pushing it down slowly and guiding its movement with your heads positioning.
Spit is your friend. In order to give great head, a wet mouth is your vehicle, your guiding light in your darkest hour. Remember that penises were designed by Muvva Nature to be brought to orgasm by wet, warm holes? Replicate that idea with your mouth. Slob on the knob. You don’t need to be throwing up buckets of spit, but you’ll find that sloppy head is the best kind – especially for circumcised guys.
If you’re struggling to keep it really wet, I have a trick for you – GAG on it. Push the dick down your throat canal as deep as you can – so when you gag, your body will bring up extra spit for you to play with. Even if you’re not a sensitive gagger (like myself), once you reach a certain point, you’ll definitely wretch. This helps make things sloppy.
Remember: ALWAYS use a wet hand if you’re bringing your hand up and down the penis’ head during head. A dry hand doesn’t feel too great, especially on the frenulum (the back of the head). In fact, sometimes it hurts. Be kind to the D.
Hygiene is really important for some when it comes to performing oral sex. Some people don’t mind a sweaty crotch or those natural smells that come from our crotches, inner thighs, and genitals. Some LOVE it in fact, but many don’t. This isn’t the most glamorous topic but we need to discuss the smell that can be produced by sweat, skin cells, and left-over fluids which are glamorously known as Smegma. This is a very pungent smelling residue, which many find to be deeply unpleasant (I do, personally). Some people don’t mind, some people enjoy it, and some see it as a kink. But it shouldn’t really be there unless your partner hasn’t washed properly, has had a long day, or if it has been communicated that you’d LIKE it there.
I’m sorry to jump straight into smeg, but it’s a reality with some penises (especially uncircumcised) so you’d better prepare yourself. Some people ain’t the best at washing themselves. Once again, it all comes down to communication.
As I always say, you should never be embarrassed to communicate with your sexual partner. However, I do get that this may be uncomfortable and you may not want to offend them. It all comes down to your personal communication style (which you shouldn’t have to filter). Personally, I’d just say something but I guess that I get it. If you want to ‘style it out’ why not suggest taking a shower together?
But ultimately, if you don’t want to put it into your mouth – don’t.
There are a few reasons I always insist on communication when it comes to any type of sex. The most important reason is that everyone involves knows exactly where they stand and doesn’t feel pressured. This will lead to a better experience for BOTH of you. Ask them what they enjoy. Tell them what you are excited about and curious about if you want. Tell them what turns you on. Oral sex, as with all other areas of erotic play, is all about communication and exploration. They may tell you a few tricks which you can use and expand on. They may not – but it never hurts to simply ask.
Knowledge is power and there’s nothing sexier than great sex that’s paired with great communication. Because then you know what each other wants. It’s really not that complicated, just be vocal.
If you are new to oral, let them know! Please don’t feel shy or embarrassed about this – as everyone starts somewhere. Hey, it might even turn them on. If you’re clear that you’re a beginner, it might just stop the penis owner from doing something which may take you off guard. You don’t want someone to quickly shove their dick down your throat as this will lead to you gagging, probably grinding your teeth down their shaft and the force may also hurt your throat.
A dick tastes like skin, precum, and sometimes sweat. All of these flavours are a little bit salty and ‘organic’ tasting, so are not the easiest taste to pallet if you aren’t used to it. The first time can be a little unusual and sometimes, it can even taste a bit horrible. I get it. There’s nothing wrong with admitting that, by the way, as the first time I did it – I was shocked by how much I didn’t like the taste. Now, that has changed… *ahem*. It can take a few times to get used to this taste, especially if you have a particularly sensitive stomach or gag-reflex but you’ll get there.
If you’re playing with a guy who pre-cums a lot, you’ll just find it gets sticky quite often and that salty taste fills out mouth quite a lot. It has the consistency of lipgloss. It’s fun when you get used to it. There are flavoured lube options out there if you find the whole ordeal repulsive, but I’m just not a fan of them personally. Give it time, you get used to the taste and might even begin to quite like it. Wink wink.
Breathing is important when it comes to giving oral, especially when it gets intense. This is one of the reasons that I advise blowing your nose before giving head, as having a ‘blocked nose’ will make breathing during oral much more difficult than it needs to be. If you’re in the midst of a rhythm that your lover is enjoying, you might not want to stop for a big mouthful of air – so there are ways to grab some air during the act without stopping the movement.
The first bit of advice is to breathe through your nose, which is again why I advise blowing your nose. It’s not always the easiest thing to do whilst something is sliding in and out of your mouth, so practice it. And remember the air you’ve taken in through your nose won’t go down if the dick is blocking your throat, therefore, TIME it so you ‘swallow’ the air as the penis is on its way out – rather than going in.
TIP: If you want to catch air during rigorous movement and don’t want to stop the action, you’ll want to pull the air in from either side of the dick. Do this by pulling air around its shape and then down your throat. One way to practice this (before a blowjob) is to place your tongue on your front teeth, widen your cheeks as if you’re pronouncing the letter ‘E’ and pull air either side of your tongue. You’re doing it right if you make a ‘hiss’ sound. During head, the dick replaces your tongue.
Remember that the air will only go down your throat when the penis is not fully inside your mouth – so time your breaths as you’re gliding UP the shaft, before coming back down. Widen your lips and cheeks to bring this air in. This is when you might make some funny noises. But, who cares? In the intensity of the moment, it can be quite easy to forget that as the shaft comes out of your mouth that you need air. This is your moment to BREATHE. Use these moments to grab the air, so that you can enjoy giving head without choking yourself on someone’s bellend.
Want to style it out? It shouldn’t really get to this point as breathing is definitely more important than sucking on a willy, but I get why you’d possibly want to style it out. Take the dick out of your mouth and move your face down to play with their balls. Simples.
First things first – giving a blowjob isn’t always about making the guy cum and it’s certainly not a race to. There are actually lots of men that are convinced that they ‘cannot cum’ from head alone, but using this guide will prove them wrong. I’ve had people tell me in the past that they’re absolutely not going to ejaculate from a blowjob and… well… I proved them wrong.
Cum has an organic taste, which I always compare to mushrooms and the smell of chlorine. Also, those random trees that you smell during springtime, do you know the ones I am talking about? I’m not a huge fan of it if I am honest but I just deal with it as it comes with the territory. I think it’s always worth discussing with your partner(s) if you want them to cum inside your mouth or not. Repeat after me: C-U-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-E.
If you have a sensitive gag reflex and haven’t quite mastered all the breathing techniques; his cum is VERY likely to make you wretch, gag, or even throw-up. Not only due to its texture and taste, but due to the fact it is thick and will block the back of your throat if they cum there. Also, it comes out in spurts and they can trigger your gag reflex very easily.
As a penis ejaculates, the penis head gets VERY sensitive VERY fast so be gentle with your mouth, alleviate your suction, and make sure to keep your hands and teeth OFF the bellend. As they’re cumming, soften your lips and rub these up and down the penis head – then take your hand to the base of their penis and wank it up and down to bring all of those orgasmic tingles out of his crotch and up the penis shaft.
What do I do?
I will always advise communicating when it comes to any type of sex, as you can probably tell by now, but I also understand that sometimes you just want to get on with it and look like you know exactly what you’re doing. There’s no shame in asking how they like it but there’s also no shame in wanting to NOT have to ask – and simply impress them. You do you. Everyone is different. Some people like oral very rough, very gentle, with lots of hands, with no hands at all, with gentle pressure on the frenulum, etc. etc. And the best way to know is to ASK them.
Aren’t sure of what rhythm to use and how to move your hands and mouth? I have a trick for you, and your partner will think you’ve read their mind. Get them to wank a little before giving ‘em head. If you aren’t sure how to approach this, just say the idea of watching them wank turns you on. Why? So that you can pay close attention to what they do with their hands. Focus on the angle that they rub their dick at, what part of their dick their hand has the most contact with, and the motion/rhythm they’re using. Use this as your blowjob blueprint. Use your lips, throat, tongue, and hands to imitate what you’ve observed. You don’t have to do this for the whole blowjob, of course, but it’s a fantastic place to begin.
Things to remember:
- 1. Motion, rhythm, suction, and moisture are your friends. Sucking a dick is not simply ‘SUCKING A DICK’. Suction is involved but be gentle.
- 2. A penis is designed to be pleasured by a warm, wet, hole that develops natural suction due to air entering, trapping, and releasing. This is what you want to turn your mouth into.
- 3. Make it and keep it wet. Sloppy is good.
- 4. Penises are often quite sensitive. Too much tension, suction or grip will not feel good. Unless they’ve specifically asked for that.
- 5. You are (probably) not in a porn film. Slow down and be gentle. It’s easy to get carried away.
SOFT TO FORM, TO SOFT… TO FIM?
I always advise using your lips as a replica or a butthole or vaginal vestibule. Your lips can be soft and plump or you can firm them up to almost feel like they have a spine. Penises get used to sensations very fast, so it’s always a good idea to switch things up to keep things ‘fresh’ and assure those nerve-endings are kept on their toes.
Use angles, move your hand in different patterns and try to satisfy the penis from top-to-bottom – using your spit as lube. Keep in mind that you want to be satisfying the penis at the same time as alternating the speeds, rhythms and suction levels to assure it doesn’t get ‘bored’. The most sensitive point of the dick is the back of the head (the frenulum), so give this special attention – without being too rough.
The No.1 Go-To
This is my number one go-to. Not only does it deliver pleasure, but it’s also really satisfying to PERFORM as you get your hands all over the dick as well as your mouth. This one typically brings men to orgasm quite easily.
- Wet your lips. Push your mouth over the penis head, introducing some firmness, so as the dick enters it almost feels like it’s entering a hole. Release your lips but retain a gentle amount of grip, almost as though the dick is being hugged by a plush cock ring. Have your tongue as close to your lips as possible and immediately wipe it down the frenulum (back of the penis head) as it enters.
- Now, move your tongue over the top of the head and back underneath the top so you’re circling it. Keep repeating this, but begin extending and retracting the length of your tongue as you go. It takes some practice but you’ll eventually get into the rhythm. Keep moving your tongue throughout the entire BJ. Don’t keep it still.
- Take in some air with your mouth to introduce suction. You can carry this air around the head by curving your tongue into a U shape.
- Bring some of the spit down from the penis head with your mouth and now introduce your hand. Grind your hand up and down the shaft, whilst swirling clockwise, up-and-down.
- If your partner’s penis head isn’t too sensitive, begin to bring your hand up and over the penis head in the same rhythm. Make sure there’s plenty of spit.
- If you’re left-handed, use your right hand to gently hold and pull on their balls. Don’t pull the actual balls: turn your forefinger and thumb into a ring that hugs the base of where the ballsack meets their body. If you’re right-handed, do it with your left. This will also help to keep them hard.
- Repeat the following rhythm: hand around the base of the shaft, bring it up to the tip, using saliva as lube, swirling your hand up-over-around-and-down, twisting it on the way, gently pulling on the balls. And repeat. If the hand is too sensitive for them, use your clenched lips instead.
The Penis Pump
When you push your tongue into the roof of your mouth, you’ll feel a smooth circular curve that’s almost as if it’s been formed around a gobstopper. It reaches around to behind your front teeth. Use this during some portions of your blowjob.
- Suck some air into your mouth, wrap your lips completely around the dick, closing off all. Now suck inside gently from soft to slightly strong, until you feel the suction pulling on their penis head. It almost feels like your mouth has become a penis pump.
- Now, slide the head of the penis in and out of this curved gap in the roof of your mouth. You’ll feel it begin to work as the suction will start to suck your cheeks inwards (like you’re servin’ cheekbones).
- Enhance this by rubbing your tongue up-and-down their shaft as you go.
- Introduce your hands in a gentle grip around their shaft, using the excess salvia as a lubricant to help it slide.
- Move your head back-and-forth gently to masturbate the willy.
- You’ll know if this is working as it’ll start to suction and you’ll hear a popping suction sound as it pops into the spot and back out again.
- This one isn’t comfortable to do for long periods but it’s fun to throw into the mix.
The Sex Replica
This one is a bit boring to perform but it does ‘deliver’. You simply turn your mouth and throat into a hole that you reverse-fuck their dick with. If you have a sensitive gag reflex, I’d avoid this one.
- You want to hold your head in one steady position and push your lips over their dick so it’s hugging it, but not too firm. Replicate what a butthole or vagina would feel like, so keep your lips plush-yet-firm. Place your tongue in line with your bottom lip.
- Now, when the dick slides in and out, you want to rub your tongue up and down it, randomly circling it and repeat. ‘Fuck’ their dick with your head, almost as if you’re being face fucked but are controlling the thrusts.
- Introduce your hand to the mix (but make sure it’s very wet first). Grind your hand around the penis head in an ‘up-down-twist-around-the-head-and-down’ motion – you may not need to do this but I do.
- When the dick is coming in and out, do a gentle ‘suck and release’ to mix up the suction and enhance the nerve-endings in their penis head. Again, making your mouth a bit like a penis pump.
- Keep your tongue moving at all times.
This move can desensitize a dick pretty fast, but can also make them orgasm quick. Alternate between this and my No.1 Go To if you want to make them cum fast.
A sucking summary.
So, you’ve reached the end of my beginners guide to oral play.
Those are a few blowjob basics and a few little bits of info that I wish I’d known back in the day. Oral sex can be so, SO much fun (it’s one of my favourite things to do in the whole world) but its better if you’re doing it with someone you trust and you’ve spoken about what you like. There is no pressure to be an expert from the get-go, so try and not take it all too seriously. It’s a penis in your mouth at the end of the day.
All of the above may seem a bit preachy and possibly even a little overwhelming, but these steps will simply insert into your sexual routine without you even realising it. To me, they’re basics! It’s just about learning them for your own safety and pleasure.
Sex is one of the most fun and fascinating things on this planet, so use the above to help you develop and maintain a healthy relationship with your sex life. You should be enjoying it!
If you want more clarification on any of the above, or simply want some advice, use the ‘Ask Topher’ page to reach out. I’m happy to help and I’m certainly never going to judge you.