TOPHER TALK: Erotic Trade Only Magazine | October 2019

October is here, also known as ‘Halloween month’ or the ‘countdown to gay Christmas’. I am such a stereotype as I spend the entirety of October thinking about Halloween, taking my dumbass to the pound shop to buy as many tacky decorations that I can find for Halloween and locating -the- perfect place to dress up for, for Halloween. It’s totally superficial and I give zero f*cks about this, as I love Halloween. I’ve always been obsessed with dressing up so it gives me the perfect excuse to do so. Last year, a political journalist friend of mine and I cross-dressed for Torture Garden where I work thigh-high boots which ended up mangling my feet for a solid week afterwards – but it was totally worth it. Of course.

There’s always quite a lot of side-eying and cynicism regarding people’s efforts for Halloween and whether they are just using it as an excuse to dress slutty. And who cares if they are?! The thing is, we all grew up in a culture where we are ridiculed for brazenly showing off or appearing self-assured when it comes to our own sexualities, so the misogynists, homophobes, and general vanilla grumps of the world revel in the opportunity to try and take us down a peg-or-two. Every Hallows Eve, comments judging people for showing skin or taking a look and making it ‘sexy’ fill the internet and group chats of WhatsApp everywhere. Remember that ‘slut-shaming’ is very real and this, regardless of how thickly veiled it may be, is still slut-shaming. Sexy costumes from brands such as Leg Avenue, Ann Summers, Passion, and Dream Girl fill the Instagram timeline – so if you have these brands on your shelves, physical or digital, give ‘em a push. Also, try to remember people outside of sizes 8-16 and those with waist sizes past 36 inches – as I am sure they’d love to feel sexy this October 31st. If you want to be basically naked, do it, but just do it in a responsible environment. If you want to cover up completely, do it. If you want to do neither – perfect! Just let people be.

I’ve spent the past month celebrating the launch of my own website, which I have been working on for what feels like eons. The sleek and easy to navigate site was developed by my good friend, gay porn star and director, Sean Taylor with all of my graphic work done by my colleague Leather Mark UK (Leatherman and fetish scene ‘name’). I’m particularly proud that my site was developed by people within the scene and industry, as that’s what the site is all about – the many facets of sex. I launched with my intensive Beginners Guide to Anal Sex in which I break down the best ways to prepare for your first anal experiences, how to enjoy anal play during the act itself, and the various things which may happen during and after. I developed the site to use as a landing page for my editorial work, sex tips, sex toy reviews and more, but I am particularly excited about the ‘Ask Topher’ page in which people can privately submit a question. I wasn’t too sure how popular this would be but I’ve been touched by how many people have reached out for my advice on everything from sex toys, Dom / Sub relationships – right through to the political climate in a non-LGBT+ friendly country. I launched with lots of sexy stuff but as I am putting myself out there as some sort of ‘agony aunt’ I thought that I may as well be vulnerable – so I posted an article I had written earlier in the year and archived about ‘falling for a fuck buddy’. This article got me invited onto a new podcast next week, which is exciting. I shall keep you updated with that. I don’t’ meant this paragraph to be too much of a plug and would cringe if it read that way, I am just incredibly proud of it and it’s something that this old slapper has always wanted.

I have quite a few interesting little things coming up which I am excited about, like the podcast feature that I just mentioned, alongside a video interview for the UK based Human Puppy podcast called ‘Shut The Woof Up’ in which I am going to be interviewed about my job, life, Clonezone and more by ‘Volkas’ Auntie’. You’ll really have to see this to believe it – think 90’s The Big Breakfast meets Eurotrash. I am born for this type of chaotic naughty bizarreness so I absolutely cannot wait. I am dedicating lots of time to writing little skeletons of pieces for my website and currently finishing up the ‘Beginners Guide to Oral’ as that’s one of the questions I get asked the most: “How do I give good head?”. It’s nothing too intensive, just some simple tips for preparation and delivering pleasure with techniques to help the experience be satisfying for both of you. I’m a big believer in both parties being equally pleasured by oral – both the giver and receiver, as that’s something I believe in. Maybe it’s just me, but hey, I am parting with some of my knowledge and it might help a few folks out there develop a little extra-confidence.

I got an invitation to join my friends from JAMIE HP (iconic sex clubs) new night ‘SCREW’ which took place at UNION in South London. Now, I know that I dress up like a scrubber every-now-and-then, but I never go to sex clubs. I love the atmospheres but it’s just not my style to partake in public sex, I am very much a ‘privacy of my own bedroom’ person for this kind of thing but I have to say how fabulous it was to see people just owning their sexuality in a consensual and public environment. Did I partake myself? No, dear. There was a live sex show featuring a few gay porn star friends of mine; James Bennett, David Luca, Jonas Jackson, and Gabriel Phoenix amongst others. I sometimes alarm myself with just how unphased I am by this kind of thing, as I was more concerned with making sure they looked hot in the photos being taken and that their costumes were stored as they undressed on stage. However, this was all taken care of by JAMIE HP’s very own ‘mother’ AKA. James who looks after the boy’s pre, during, and after their shows.

Let’s catch up in November. I cannot believe that I am writing ‘November’ down as this year is dissipating at a rapid pace. But a couple of things before I go; make sure you send me your Halloween costumes and keep an eye out for our Sex Toy TV show coming up on Channel 5, featuring myself, Doxy, Godemiche, Tracey Cox, and LoveHoney amongst others. I don’t know an air date yet but I assume it’s very soon. Exciting times.