TOPHER TALK: Erotic Trade Only Magazine | September 2019

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Life truly is moving at 100mph right now and I am constantly trying to find time to come up for air. That sounds so dramatic, I know, but trying to balance my day job at Clonezone, with my own sex education work, build a website, maintain a social life, eat right, get exercise, stay up-to-date with current affairs – as well as trying to find time to date is near impossible. The world seems to be at a crossroads right now which is not only unsettling but somewhat disturbing. I’ve been closely following news reports of the horrific things happening to LGBT people and was particularly disturbed by the murder of LGBTQ activist Yelena Grigoryeva who was found with multiple stab wounds, alongside the murder of Denali Berries who is the 12th (yes, twelve) black trans woman to have been murdered in America in 2019. Have you heard her name? Probably not, which is the troubling thing. It’s a little hard to revel in the positivity of career progression when your LGBTQ family are being murdered. It’s not fun to begin on such a negative, but unfortunately, this is the reality of life right now.

I was featured on my second podcast this month, which was for Keyth David’s ‘Shades of Gay’ recordings. The format is quite simple, with myself sitting with Keyth and discussing growing up a curvy blonde from South East London. What I will say is that I won’t be needing a therapist’s appointment anytime soon, as we delved through my childhood experiences with bullying and self-discovery. The whole experience was cathartic as there’s something really quite healing about listening to yourself talk about the bad things that have happened to you, instead of writing it down. My main route of self-expression is in writing; therefore, it was new for me to speak, have it recorded and have it accessible to playback. Without sounding narcissistic, I have played it back a few times to listen to those experiences all-over-again to help settle myself after moments of chaos over the past few weeks. You never really realise how far you’ve come until it’s laid out in front of you. I’ve not done too bad for someone who has the cards stacked against them. If you’d like to check it out, it’s available on all streaming sites, just search ‘Shades of Gay, Topher’ and it’s there waiting for you. It’s not all doom and gloom as I talk about getting into this industry and what I love about human sexuality.

Click here to listen on Spotify. Youtube. Apple Podcasts.

Getting more Topher

I’ve also been working on the launch of my new website ‘’ which should be live at the time of this column going to print, god willing, so please check it out and share with your sex curious and sex toy using followers, etc. I’ve created the site as a home for all of my past published sex toy reviews, interviews, articles and my upcoming sex tips and guides for beginners to different aspects of sex. I wanted to create something which acted as a ‘one-stop-shop’ for those who are new to the world of sex or curious about other areas of sexuality. Another one of the reasons I created the site is that most of the messages I receive on dating apps, Facebook and other social media are from people asking me to tips and advice. So here it is, a base to direct people to. I’m also interested in discussing sex toys and other adult product – so feel free to send stuff for me to talk about.

I’ve also been in a strange area of limbo when it comes to dating. I’ve been in a routine of just seeing friends with benefits who I keep seeming to be falling out with on rotation. I always seem to find myself seeing men who aren’t ‘out of the closet’ but still wish to claim some sort of ownership over me – therefore leading to friction. I’m not particularly good at keeping my mouth shut or being bossed about, so its quite regularly a recipe for disaster. Anyway, I’m sure that you’re as bored of hearing me moan about lovers as I am bored of moaning about them. I’ll update you when there’s some GOOD news for a change…

I had another exciting experience recently. I’m definitely being spoilt right now. I got a phone call at my desk one day from Channel 5 who were producing a documentary about the production of sex toys – from the manufacture to marketing, to hitting shop floors. I’m used to producers calling me for product loans and gifting for shows, but the lady said that she’d like me to be on the show. My initial reaction was “What?! Me?”, I’ve never done television work before, other than featuring in a music video when I was 15 (Google: Art Brut – Emily Kane). I won’t spoil the details of the show but let’s just say I’m putting my ‘reviewer’ shoes back on and got to share a fabulous red round table with industry icon Tracey Cox – who I’ve always wanted to meet, Bonny from LoveHoney, Mistress Evelyne, Chris from Quietly Kinky, Zara Du Rose, Nina Saini and the fascinating founder of the London Alternative Market. Again, I won’t divulge what we were doing or who we were talking about – other than thanking Will from Doxy for recommending me. I have to say what a pleasure it was to be surrounded by people who are ‘like me’ and represent success in different areas of this colourful and chaotic industry. It was a fabulous afternoon and I can’t wait to watch it back. I tried to stay elegant but the boy from Eltham kept slipping out.

Right now, I am just looking to enjoy the rest of my month, get my website jam-packed full of helpful content and replace my broken bedframe. I’ll see you in October (also known as my favourite month as its HALLOWEEN). I also just want to open a new website and hear some good news, especially within my LGBTQ+ family.

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