TOPHER TALK: Erotic Trade Only Magazine | November 2019
I’d like to begin by saying two things; ONE – how is it November?! What has happened to this year? And TWO – how gutted I am that I couldn’t make it to this year’s EroFame in Hanover. Unfortunately, I have been way too busy. We have just moved to a new stock management and EPOS system at Clonezone, alongside assisting new senior team members with their training so I just couldn’t justify the time away as I like to be completely clued up on all of our systems. I’m very curious about that WeVibe and Satisfyer announcement – I wonder how many Satisfyer adverts we’ll see about that? Wink Wink. I heard the tales, saw the photos, and I hope everyone missed me at Oktoberfest where last year I lay slumped by the toilets having enjoyed a few too many free beers. Again, thank you to team Bathmate for scooping my big ass up. I’ll see you all next year.
I decided to do a bit of a ‘life refresh’ and to act on a few practices of self-care. That sounds very 2019, doesn’t it? But the truth is that I’ve been a little too wrapped up in some situations with men people over the past few years. And with my career really becoming quite exciting at the moment, I want to focus on having a crush on MYSELF instead of other people. With this in mind, I’ve removed my profile from certain sleazy websites, changed my phone number and coincidentally broken my phone which actually turned out to be a happy accident. I wrote a piece about someone I liked quite a lot, and that person read it and got into contact. I’ve referenced this person in ETO a couple of times, I think. They made a brief reappearance which threw me off a little. I thought I’d hear from them again after that but as usual, it didn’t happen. What a surprise, eh? I seem to have gotten myself into a routine where my FWB’s (friends with benefits) are getting a little too prevalent in my life, so I’ve given myself a fresh start. I just attract the type of men who never seem to have come to terms with their own sexual identities and although I like them and understanding why it’s a struggle, I can’t keep babysitting these people’s egos. Usually, I’m very tough but this particular person definitely chipped away at something within me. I was actually set on deleting a particular profile on a hook up website, but this was secured after a one-night stand (from said website) decided to jump my front fence and knock on my door at 6 am on a Saturday morning, so I think it’s time to say goodbye to that ‘life’. We had a good run.
I sat down with a Human Pup podcast named ‘Shut the Woof Up’ to do a video interview for their YouTube channel for their character ‘Volka’s Auntie’ who is a man, dressed as a dog, dressed as an old lady. She’s macabre and fabulous. It was an hour of Volka’s Auntie ripping into and insulting me, with me batting all the sass back as I actually really enjoying being ‘read to filth’. It’s currently being edited but will hopefully be available to watch by the time you’re reading this lovely edition of ETO Magazine. Just search ‘Shut the Woof Up’ on YouTube and look for me sitting on a sofa in thigh-high socks and a Spice Girls hoodie. And if you aren’t clued up on the Pup scene, it’s essential as someone within our industry to get to know it – and not just the gay and fetish retailers. Pups come in all shapes and sizes, in all genders, races, and backgrounds and I’m sure that you’ll benefit from understanding this colourful and multi-faceted scene of curious people. And it’s not limited to pups, at Clonezone we have customers who transform into cats, horses, otters and more. I find it fascinating and I just think in this day and age where the world seems to be crumbling, if you can find something that ‘spices up your life’ then do it. People are always going to have a stare and probably say something offensive but who cares, at the end of the day? As long as it’s safe and consensual. I think we owe it as the adult industry to make sure that these communities feel welcome into our stores, to shop with our brands, and to communicate with our brand representatives.
I’ve been invited a guest on Calum McSwiggan’s radio show for FuBarRadio.com to talk about sex, dating and relationships. For those of you that don’t know Calum, he’s a social media influencer that got popular as YouTube vlogger back in 2013. His show had a huge reach so it’s a pleasure to be asked to join him and have a natter about willies and all that stuff – my favourite subject. The show has a very clear and focused commitment to LGBT+ people and only plays music by LGBT+ artists (mainstream and underground) so it’s kind of an honour to be asked to swing by. The episode will be available to listen to (for free) on Spotify, iTunes as well as other platforms and of course, FuBarRadio.com.
Back to our lovely industry… I can see that there are two beautiful categories within the ETO Awards nominations that I have my eyes on: Industry Ambassador and Brand Ambassador. I’d love it if you could give my name a little tick within these two. I’ve worked very hard for a long time within this chaotic, stressful and all-around exciting world of adult, so it’d be amazing to have something to show for it. Especially for my work at Clonezone. Only if you actually want to of course. I’d truly hate a sympathy vote. I’ve done my vote fair and square, focusing on what products, brands, teams etc. that I believe are truly deserving. Also, almost every single female friend I have has asked me for the ‘Fantasy for Her’ Licking and Sucking vibrator from last months ETO cover. I’ve never quite seen anything like it – good for you, Pipedream!
See you in December, where I’m sure I’ll be making the Yuletide VERY gay.
p.s. I still don’t know when that Channel 5 TV show is going to be on.
Update: the show has now aired and is available to watch HERE.