TOPHER TALK: Erotic Trade Only Magazine | September 2020
Can you believe that it’s September? How? I remember laying in my front garden in April, sunbathing, terrified to leave my front gate in case the Coronavirus got me. (Please read ‘Coronavirus’ in Cardi B’s voice). It feels like yesterday. This year has been a mix of not knowing what day it is, to suddenly realising its 150 days later than I could have ever imagined. I turned 31 this year, on June 21st, and have decided that I am still 30. 2020 doesn’t count, so you are all welcome take a year off of your age. Thank me later.
I’ve spent the best part of the year trying to learn more about sex, debating with racists on social media (I know – a waste of time most of the time – but I cannot resist), putting on, and then losing weight, and trying to have a better understanding of my own sexuality – due to not having been able to ‘meet’ like before due to COVID-19. Being restricted from seeing people that I usually see has resulted in some drama, lots of bizarre interactions, and me having to -once again- mollycoddle someone through their sexual identity crisis. I always manage to fall into the pattern of seeing guys that publicly identify as straight, which always ends the same way – and I referenced someone often last year, if you’ve been reading my columns, that it went horribly wrong with. It always does. They don’t ‘come out’ as that has to come from within. Internalised homophobia, fear, and shame is toxic and dangerous. I am actually currently planning a ‘Sex with Topher’ podcast episode about it. It’s exhausting but I find it interesting, too. It’s a labour of love.
Speaking of ‘Sex with Topher’, I had actually taken a little break from it as I’d been a bit overwhelmed with work and wasn’t happy with anything that I was recording. It wasn’t until I got a long email from someone complimenting my ‘Getting into Anal Sex for Beginners’ article that it clicked – I wanted to turn this into audio. I have been pro-anal for years, as anyone who’s worked with me will know, and have a particular soft-spot for nervous beginners. I like to guide people through the process and give them the tips that I had benefited from, alongside helping them learn from the mistakes that I had made along the way. Truly, the best way to learn something is to get things wrong and be corrected. So, on August 7th, I released the episode onto podcast platforms and it jumped straight into the Apple Podcasts top 40 and then top 20, which I was very happy about. It’s the first episode of my podcast that didn’t have a special guest with a big following – so I wasn’t sure how well it would do. If you have any customers who are curious about anal play or have made mistakes in the past and been ‘put off’, please recommend it to them. It’s good, if I say so myself. And of course, I promoted it with me in some cheap neon yellow lingerie, because… well, why not?! Click here to listen.
Aside from that, I have been creating infographics which I’ve been pushing on social media -focusing on ‘taboo’-esque topics that I am always quizzed about: Prostate massage, butt plugs, premature ejaculation, cock rings – and getting into anal. Unfortunately, I am continuously shadow-banned due to my association with sex-workers on social media so the reach hasn’t been huge but I’ve had lots of lovely DM’s from those who’ve benefitted from the contained information. I am just trying to gradually normalise these topics with a following who perhaps aren’t likely to be brave enough to discuss them. I’m not quite in ‘influencer’ territory as I don’t get the same support as other sex educators from brands and sex positivity pages etc. I had one brand try to offer me a very small amount of money for a penetrative sex toy review, video review, supporting photos etc – as my follower count was under 10,000, I didn’t qualify for a decent payment. This message was not responded to. I had an influencer tell me that I should try and come across less self-confident as it may scare people off. I am not naïve and I do see the amount of contrived content out there, designed to touch on people’s insecurities and almost ‘baby’ people through them on a surface level to get a like or a sale. I am all about lifting people up and celebrating the overcoming of confidence issues through unapologetic sexuality, acceptance and ‘dusting yourself off and trying again’ – thanks Aaliyah. Playing up to anyone’s insecurity is not my style (however well camouflaged it may be), as I am very much a bit ‘tough-love’ with my approach to issues. I have issues with my body and come across issues with aspects sexual performance – as everyone does – but I cannot change them and I won’t use them to promote sales. I accept them and move on which is not easy. This message was also not responded to.
I did some product testing and development work for Adam from Hot Octopuss with the inception of their new vibrating anal probe. Adam sent the prototypes over in an Uber (poor, unsuspecting driver) and I played with it to help him make it more user-friendly. I can confirm that this is going to be an AMAZING sex toy and the initial vibration almost made me pee myself – sorry to be TMI but it’s the truth. This is going to be an incredible anal-play-toy with intense ‘duo’ vibrations and intense rumbles that can be flicked through effortlessly. Cannot wait for you to see, and feel it. Click here to check out Hot Octopuss.
Towards the end of the month, I was interviewed by Xavier Sibley (a friend and gay porn star) for ‘Porn Talk with Xavier’ – a new series of YouTube interviews made in collaboration with porn recruitment company, Apply to Model. We talked everything from my introductions into the industry, my relationships with porn stars, the Black Lives Matter movement and my plans for what’s next. You can catch it on YouTube. Click here. And speaking of what’s next, I have an agent. He’s going up in the world!
See you in October!