TOPHER TALK: Erotic Trade Only Magazine | March 2020

I undertook a lot of self-reflection during 2019 and spent lots of time analysing our eclectic industry, trying to figure out what’s worth focusing on and what isn’t. My reason being, I knew that I was just about to launch the ‘Sex with Topher’ podcast and wanted to deliver content and cover topics worth covering.

As with each new year, I come back after the Christmas break to a hideous amount of unanswered emails and with a fresh batch of ideas for the year to come. I am one of those lucky people that gets to begin the year with actual excitement as I work around a subject that I truly give a shit about SEX. Working at Clonezone, I pay close attention to how the media and brands are catering to our queer customers; from cis gay men to trans, to non-binary. There was such a massive amount of negativity towards queer people during 2019 that the emphasis on discovering brands and influencers that openly support us is huge. It has to be legit, or I don’t really want to do it. Lots of queer people are feeling more ostracised than ever and we really have a responsibility as a brand like Clonezone to assure that they feel catered to and represented – and that includes everyone. Diversity (I actually hate that word as it should be standard at this stage) is at an all-time high. I got handed a load of underwear catalogues by my colleague late last year and wasn’t shocked to see every-single-model was a white guy with a six-pack. There’s nothing wrong with white guys that have a six-pack (in fact, respect for those that put the effort in the gym) but I remember during Pride 2019 being accused of being racist towards white people due to casting so many black models all of the time. I eye-rolled so hard that I almost gave myself a migraine.

With Rebecca More after recording the episode

So, January is as January always is… exhausting. But I got my emails down to zero, I got my work done, I got things moving and got my stuff together for the launch of my podcast ‘Sex with Topher’. It’s funny how when you have so much to plan that you seem to find absolutely ZERO TIME to do it and time seems to move at lightspeed. I listened to every single interview with Rebecca More (a.k.a MORE MILF, the ‘cock destroyer’) as to not repeat things she’d already spoken about and basically got to know her as a person – to assure a smooth conversation. It would be so easy to sit and talk to her about how much we love willies but that’s just a bit predictable. ANYWAY, the day came and our chat was incredible. We spoke for so long in fact, that I had to cut the interview in half. Everything was timed to launch on Valentine’s Day, so I was in a fight with time for most of Feb but we got there in the end – many thanks to my incredible producer, Keyth David who worked hard to get the episode tailored and trimmed to fit the hour format that I wanted. For those of you that are interested, the episode begins with me introducing myself to listeners – and then straight into a 10-minute discussion about sexual directness and body confidence in the bedroom. Then we jump straight into half of my chat with Rebecca, THEN a ‘Q&A’ segment where I answer some questions about BONKING which include issues with ejaculation, chem-sex and can you get cancer from deepthroat?

Sex with Topher launched on Valentine’s Day and my reaction was fantastic. I went into the charts at 122, jumped to 10, to 7 and am currently sat at number 5 which I am ENORMOUSLY proud of. Especially considering that no platform will let me advertise it due to alleged adult content. I launched with a promo video ‘A responsible slapper announcement’ which is me climbing all over a man and him body-slamming me into the bed. I like to be subtle and discreet; you see. This is my baby and I am incredibly happy with the outcome of the episode. If you do have a spare hour on your commute, drive or relaxing at home – give it a chance. It’s not as vulgar and banal as you might imagine! I mean, there’s a bit of TART but lots of HEART. You’ll see what I mean.

My subtle outfit for the evening at Madonna.

THEN, the day after my podcast launch, it was MADONNA DAY. I have been a huge fan of Madonna since I could walk and absolutely worship the ground she walks on. We’d originally had front row seats booked for the show but these had been re-allocated to wheelchair users and our spots had been left in the air by the promoters. My best friend Bonita and I had spent weeks arguing with the promoters, trying to get something sorted. Then we were given great seats right in front of the stage. Panic over. We’d also got a beautiful hotel suite with our tickets, so we headed there to get ready for the event – which resulted in me being half-naked as usual. A few hours of tarting up later, we headed to the venue and had everyone staring at us. It turns out we were the only people who go the ‘dress up for Madonna’ memo. Anyway, the show was absolutely incredible and probably the best live show experience of my life. You really don’t understand why Madonna is as successful as she is until you see her live, as she’s a treat with a constantly moving and everchanging show that appeals to all of the senses. About a third of the way through the show, someone gestured to me to pass someone’s phone and jacket to which I did… only to realise I was handing MEL C (SPORTY SPICE) her stuff. She was next to us. My stomach nearly dropped out of my bum – as I was wearing Spice Girl platform shoes. If that wasn’t enough to make me pee myself with excitement… we realise we are also sat with Penelope Cruz. Who, by the way, is so incredibly beautiful in person that it almost makes you feel sick!? What an evening.

Anyway, I’ll stop blabbering on now. Thanks for reading and I look forward to updating you all with what this curvy blonde got up to next month.

p.s. make sure you check out the ‘Sex with Topher’ podcast!